I was on the fence about writing this post, honestly. I made notes in my phone of what I wanted to include, and then never actually sat down to write it because I kept talking myself out of it. Do people like to read these kinds of blogs? Would people be interested to hear my reflections of 2018 and my goals for 2019? I kept telling myself, probably not. But I woke up this morning at 8:00 and started looking at Instagram (a BAD habit I want to stop doing first thing in the morning… ugh) and I was watching Kathleen Barnes’ IG story and up popped her “Reflecting on 2018” blog post link and I swiped up.
While reading it, I was appreciative of her honesty and I found myself relating so much to her challenges over the last year. Maybe not her EXACT struggles, maybe it was more so OF THE struggle itself. Knowing that other people had a tough time and felt okay to talk about it. And then and there, I knew I needed to open my laptop and start writing. So here we are. I’m still in bed, haven’t even got up to pee yet, and my fingers are flying.
I try to keep WW a place of honesty, but most importantly a place of positivity. I’m naturally more pessimistic, and that’s something I’m working on, so I try to post positive affirmations, uplifting quotes. Not only to inspire and make others feel good, but to also inspire myself.
2018 was full of ups and downs for me, and I think breaking down the struggles might help someone else, so I feel compelled to share. Not only did the year start out with the loss of both of my Grandmother’s a month apart from one another, I was working a new job I was miserable at. Like crying in the bathroom multiple times a week kind of miserable. I had opportunities to leave, but kept telling myself I needed to stick with it, that I was learning a lot, pushing myself would be good for me, etc etc. Bascially convincing myself that I could make myself happy mind over matter. You know?
Spoiler alert: that shit didn’t happen.
I ended up saying yes to an opportunity that sounded super scary, but I knew I had to take a leap of faith. How could things get worse? Well, luckily, it was the best decision and I have no regrets. I’m so much happier, work-wise, than I was a year ago. I’m so thankful I said yes, and just went with it. Sometimes you have to really listen to what your head and your heart want. And if you’re unhappy every single day of your life, going to a job you hate, GIRL CHANGE IT. Quit and find something else that will fuel you. I promise it makes a huge difference.
Second to my personal and corporate career life, comes Worship Worthy. Not that I think of it as a secondary thing in my life, but for the sake of this post, it’s second. This last year has been a struggle for me to keep up with all things blogging. I’ve found myself second guessing everything I was posting, all of the goals I had in place, and even my mission, unable to find or make the time to blog. Overall I wondered, do people even care as much as I do? (The answer is no. You always care more, but that’s OK.)
Does my mission make sense? Am I actually empowering women? People are confused by the name Worship Worthy, should I change it? I’m trying to collaborate with brands and grow my audience, but it feels weird and forced…why? Am I giving my audience and followers valuable content? Do people just want to see an outfit photo and forget the rest? Am I taking enough outfit of the day shots? Why does posting photo after photo of myself feel strange? Will people think I’m a narcissist or something? Why is my shop unsuccessful and why do I not feel compelled to work on it everyday and to TELL people about it? What’s the disconnect? Do I need to hire a photographer to shoot photos on the weekends, because I work M-F and it’s dark when I get home…Is Instagram sucking the life out of me? Do people even know the REAL Ali? Am I being authentically myself? Holy shit, the questions go on forever. Welcome to the inside of my brain, every day.
Rob and I were traveling a bit over the Christmas weekend and one night we stopped at this restaurant in Newport Harbor to grab some happy hour drinks and food. We sipped wine and had an honest talk that felt SO good. He asked me how I was feeling about Worship Worthy and where I felt I was struggling. I was open and honest, laid it all out to him. He so kindly sat and listened to me rant, and gave me this piece of solid GOLD advice: “Ali, it all starts with loving yourself.” He said a bunch more, but I don’t want to incorrectly quote him here- haha.
When I stopped in that moment to think about his words, and reflected them back to myself, he was right. All of the questions swirling in my head came from a place of doubting myself, my own WORTHINESS that I so badly want to put out into the world, being scared and overall not loving myself enough to listen to my heart. WOW. If I was feeling love for myself and my ideas, and my brand, I would be powering through these moments with fierce, unapologetic energy. But I haven’t been, and in 2019 I hope to change that.
So what does that mean for 2019?
It means that I am going to take back the power. I hope to live my life unafraid to be myself, to share my quirks and quips with my “audience”, to trust in my DREAMS of opening a boutique (and knowing that I can do it if I put my mind to it), to believe in myself again and stop the negative self talk.
Goals for 2019:
- Say Yes to more opportunities/events (and NO to more Netflix)
- Read more books. I have about 5 on my list right now
- Drink more water, less coffee
- Work out and Meditate at least 4 times a week
- SAVE more money than I spend
- Launch new products in the WW Shop that I’m super proud of
- Work with brands and companies ONLY if they align with me, and the WW mission
- Practice daily mindfulness and intention.
I hope this post was a little bit real, and a little bit up lifting. I didn’t mean for this to be a downer post, but a truthful glimpse into my year and my personal struggles. If you’re struggling to find your way or your voice, know you’re not alone.
I also hope that the next year brings you all that you’re searching for. I hope it brings peace, happiness, self love, more knowledge, more communication and conversation, mindfulness and gratitude. I think we can all agree that a little more of all of the above would be a good thing, right?
I’m really enjoying looking at New Years as a blank slate, a fresh start. I’m ready to hit the ground running, and to put fear aside in order to make some dreams a reality. Enough waiting. Jump in feet first and see what happens. Have blind faith that things will work out. Take more chances- you deserve it. My wish for you is the best year of your life. Make the most of it!